Well I finished my Masters about a month and a bit ago and I’ve been looking for work for about 4 weeks or so with no luck. I do have two agency interviews to go too so I’ll see how that goes. But I often wonder what I’m about. When I apply for a job I get a couple of calls back but it’s for ones that I’m not really interested in…so why do I apply for them? Well, first, I need money to pay off my CDL which is to start in November, second I know I need to start from the bottom to work my way to the top.
But I wonder…do I really want to work?
I feel in my hearts of heart that the answer is No. I don’t want to work, not at all. I think it may be because I’m scared; scared that I won’t be able to do the things I can do with all my free time right now. If I want to go out shopping, I can. If I want to sleep all day, I can…it’s a life of luxury but it’s a poor life in terms of finance. We all know you can’t live in London without money.
One of the reasons why I don’t want to work is because almost everything in London runs on exactly the same time schedule. I worked for a full time week at a company and I wanted to return a top I had bought because there was something wrong with it. By the time I managed to get to the area the shop was closed…all because I was working all day and because everything opens and closes around the same time….its irritating. Going shopping on a Saturday is the worse and why is it the worse? Because EVERYBODY is free on Saturday, EVERYBODY does the same thing every week, this is not just limited to shopping by the way, it’s almost everything!
I think I hate routine and this is why I dread having a job. It may not be THAT bad, I may ‘get use to it’
But I don’t want to get use to it! I don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end job doing what I HAVE TO do instead of what I enjoy, I don’t want to be stuck in an office with wall to wall computers. I don’t want to do the same boring things day in and day out. I want weird hours, not the simple 9-5, I want to meet new people everyday day (or at least every other week). I want to work in a studio where I’m moving about being creative and constantly thinking up new creative ideas, not simply ‘how can we improve morale’ that’s boring, but things like new advertising campaigns, new ways of ‘attention seeking’, travelling if necessary to other countries. I want to have a high quality of life I feel many people in London DON’T have…I just want to be happy.
Can I get that? I believe I can but by the time I do get it, I’m old…I want it when I’m still young and vibrant! I know everything can’t be all peachy and rosey but I seem to be seeing a lot of the non-rosey side and it’s annoying.
I know I can’t get what I want now, I have no experience. Forget the degree and the masters, its experience! No one wants to train you anymore, they want you prepared and ready and how will I be prepared and ready when I’ve been busy studying full time and working part time??? I think employers should give us Grads a break, its hard to study and if we want the best grades we need to put the utmost effort into studying, we therefore, have no time to volunteer while working part time and studying full time…it’s just not easy. Even volunteering is hard; everybody is fighting even for those positions! I just can’t believe how everything is always so competitive…London is too overcrowded and demand ALWAYS outweighs supply…always!
I’ve tried to remain positive and I put my trust in God to help me along the way, but its hard, it really is. I’m not angry, just frustrated. Prior to my MA I did a BA and before that I was in college and before that I was secondary school…I need a break! But I can’t have a break because I need to pay off my loan. Things just keep moving no one ever takes a break to sit down and think, you just don’t have time to think anymore. You chose you’re A-levels when you’re 16 and that’s supposed to shape the rest of your life?
I need a holiday (no money) or a tiny break so I’ve stopped looking for work for a while. I’m just going to continue in my part time work and see how things go. When I get my motivation back then maybe I’ll carry on, if a job comes along the way? It’s all good man.
But I wonder…do I really want to work?
I feel in my hearts of heart that the answer is No. I don’t want to work, not at all. I think it may be because I’m scared; scared that I won’t be able to do the things I can do with all my free time right now. If I want to go out shopping, I can. If I want to sleep all day, I can…it’s a life of luxury but it’s a poor life in terms of finance. We all know you can’t live in London without money.
One of the reasons why I don’t want to work is because almost everything in London runs on exactly the same time schedule. I worked for a full time week at a company and I wanted to return a top I had bought because there was something wrong with it. By the time I managed to get to the area the shop was closed…all because I was working all day and because everything opens and closes around the same time….its irritating. Going shopping on a Saturday is the worse and why is it the worse? Because EVERYBODY is free on Saturday, EVERYBODY does the same thing every week, this is not just limited to shopping by the way, it’s almost everything!
I think I hate routine and this is why I dread having a job. It may not be THAT bad, I may ‘get use to it’
But I don’t want to get use to it! I don’t want to be stuck in a dead-end job doing what I HAVE TO do instead of what I enjoy, I don’t want to be stuck in an office with wall to wall computers. I don’t want to do the same boring things day in and day out. I want weird hours, not the simple 9-5, I want to meet new people everyday day (or at least every other week). I want to work in a studio where I’m moving about being creative and constantly thinking up new creative ideas, not simply ‘how can we improve morale’ that’s boring, but things like new advertising campaigns, new ways of ‘attention seeking’, travelling if necessary to other countries. I want to have a high quality of life I feel many people in London DON’T have…I just want to be happy.
Can I get that? I believe I can but by the time I do get it, I’m old…I want it when I’m still young and vibrant! I know everything can’t be all peachy and rosey but I seem to be seeing a lot of the non-rosey side and it’s annoying.
I know I can’t get what I want now, I have no experience. Forget the degree and the masters, its experience! No one wants to train you anymore, they want you prepared and ready and how will I be prepared and ready when I’ve been busy studying full time and working part time??? I think employers should give us Grads a break, its hard to study and if we want the best grades we need to put the utmost effort into studying, we therefore, have no time to volunteer while working part time and studying full time…it’s just not easy. Even volunteering is hard; everybody is fighting even for those positions! I just can’t believe how everything is always so competitive…London is too overcrowded and demand ALWAYS outweighs supply…always!
I’ve tried to remain positive and I put my trust in God to help me along the way, but its hard, it really is. I’m not angry, just frustrated. Prior to my MA I did a BA and before that I was in college and before that I was secondary school…I need a break! But I can’t have a break because I need to pay off my loan. Things just keep moving no one ever takes a break to sit down and think, you just don’t have time to think anymore. You chose you’re A-levels when you’re 16 and that’s supposed to shape the rest of your life?
I need a holiday (no money) or a tiny break so I’ve stopped looking for work for a while. I’m just going to continue in my part time work and see how things go. When I get my motivation back then maybe I’ll carry on, if a job comes along the way? It’s all good man.
2 comments:
Wonderful to read. You are not alone!
Keep writing...
Cheers
At least the shops are open on Sunday. The supermarkets where I live don't even open on Sunday, nothing is open on Sunday. ;(
Good luck with job hunting.
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